The last few days have been hard, and disappointing.
Reason One: I have not felt well and I don’t know why and it’s odd. After a fever for five days, my temp dropped back to “normal” by medical standards…except it’s not normal for me. My BBT is in my post-ovulation range or even slightly higher, which means I either ovulated already (not likely?) or something else is going on. After my fever disappeared, though, I developed some intense nausea and bloating. Starting Christmas afternoon, the last two days have been spent feeling miserable, with me unable to do anything but sit on the sofa and beg my husband and mom to answer my call for water, or a blanket, or whatever. And on top of that, I have other suspicious symptoms: three swollen and painful lymph nodes in my neck, no energy at all, and very dark urine (even though I’m not dehydrated and normally have very pale urine). Is this a mild flu? Is it something more serious? Or is it nothing at all? It’s all very confusing and weird and I don’t know what to make of any of it. I’m going to watch my symptoms through the weekend and will call our family doc on Monday if they persist.
Reason Two: My u/s yesterday was another big fail. No progress. It was, once again, hard for them to get a good view of Lefty, but it doesn’t look like there’s any lead follicle that’s ready to go. The tech did seem confused because my lining was so nice and the one follicle she did see, she couldn’t get a solid measurement on and wondered aloud if I had already ovulated, but I highly doubt it. The RE that was in-office for the day wants to cancel this cycle and have me make another appointment to see my own doc. Which is fine, but I will definitely be asking for a phone consult versus meeting the doc in-person. There’s no reason I should waste 4-5 hours getting to and from the doc just so she can see my pretty face and tell me things that I already know and we’ve already discussed. I asked about continuing with this cycle for a few more days to see if I’ll ovulate anyways (just as I did last month) and then have my Honey give me the trigger shot when I get a positive OPK. The nurse thinks this is probably okay, but will check with Dr. Young and get back to me today.
My great fear is making a wrong decision about the next step. As far as I can see, I have three viable options: A) Should I just go forward with the 150mg of Clomid for another cycle? After all, it always takes two rounds of 100mg before my body responds. Maybe it’s the same with 150mg. But can I handle these daily headaches for another cycle? And is this too much Clomid I’m taking? I’ve been on it for so long now and I think, technically, I’m now past my “lifetime limit.” B) Should I add Follistim after finishing my five days of Clomid? I think this is what my doctor wants, but I’m nervous about the cost and the daily injections and, whenever possible, I prefer to go the less invasive and simpler route. And there’s still concerns about frequent headaches and overdoing the Clomid with this option. C) Or should I switch to Femara and give that a go? I’m nervous about trying a new drug because I don’t know if my body will respond. What if it doesn’t and I waste a cycle (or two! or three!) trying to figure it out. We spent many cycles trying to find what dose of Clomid worked for me and I don’t want to be in the same position with Femara. At the same time, though, maybe a new drug will be just what my body needs to kick it into gear and make this thing happen. Not to mention, it’s cheaper than injectables and I may get a break from the headaches. But really…I just want to do what’s going to give me the best chance at having our next baby as soon as possible with the least amount of grief.
Guys, I’m so disappointed. I really thought I would respond well to this higher dose of Clomid. Now, with all that’s been happening in my body this week, I just feel like I don’t know anything. Everything is so far beyond my control and it leaves me shaking with fear. Please, please, please let something change in the new year.