Tag Archive | semen analysis

Thinking It Over

I’ve done some serious thinking over the last couple days, since getting the results of my husband’s semen analysis, and I know ya’ll are right. I need not make a hasty decision right now. I shouldn’t feel pressured to do anything that I’m not comfortable with. And I must get Honey re-tested.

Which is just what we’ll do. Soon (I hope). I’m not exactly sure how Honey is taking this news of his ill-shaped swimmy friends, but I do know he’s been googling himself into delirium trying to get all the facts. And we all know how *reliable* Dr. Google is. But there are some suggestions for supplements and herbs to consider, which we will, after getting a second SA. And because my husband is a skeptic and suspicious of everybody, we will be retesting at a lab that is not associated with the fertility clinic that is pushing for IUI. Our insurance will allow us to go to a specialist without a referral, so Honey plans to make an appointment to see a urologist (hopefully one specializing in male fertility) and will then get another SA from there, if all goes according to planned (which, you know, it rarely does).

I’m not particularly hopeful that the results will be any different, but I’m also not particularly panicked by it anymore. All of a sudden, I feel sort of indifferent. I don’t know what to think. I keep coming back to the same thing that so many of you reminded me of. I’ve had two pregnancies that happened rather quickly after I started ovulating. That has to mean something, right? Either that…or those babies really were true miracles.

I will say this, though: while not all hope is lost, I have lost my confidence. Confidence that this will happen. Even after my miscarriage, I was certain that that we would have another child, though I wasn’t so arrogant to think that it would happen quickly or easily. But now…I can’t say even that. There is more doubt than there ever has been before (at least since we began TTC #2). More uncertainty. I still hope, but no longer am I sure, that Cupcake will be given a sibling. Instead, this journey is just starting to feel long and endless and sometimes I question the value of it. Is it worth it? Is all this pain, heartache, frustration and fear worth it? The problem is, we don’t really know the answer to this ever-important question until our journey is over — one way or another.

And so I march on. I will not let our fertility clinic talk me into a step that I am not ready to accept or embark on. IUI is our last resort, for there will be no IVF/ICSI for us, and I’m not ready to tap it just yet. For now, we will continue as though my husband’s sperm are the macho men we wish and once believed they were. I will go forward with this monitored cycle. I will do a trigger shot when the time comes. We will get naked together every other night until we know we don’t need to anymore. And next month…we will do it all over again.

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Addendum

This is an addendum to my last post.

I just spoke with our fertility clinic about my husband’s SA. I was obsessing over the morphology, so I called for clarification. And just as I feared — morphology is low (read: bad). In fact, it is very low (read: very bad). Only 1% of his sperm are shaped as they should be.

Um…what???

How can it be that, with sperm like that, we conceived a healthy baby girl the first time I ovulated back in 2010? And how can it be that, even in my last pregnancy, we conceived on my first ovulation if Honey’s sperm morphology is so rotten? Unless…the morphology is what caused my miscarriage. Maybe? (Maybe not?) And isn’t it possible that with a higher-than-normal sperm count (as Honey had), that there might be a smaller percentage of “good” sperm (but still the number of good sperm would be adequate)? And is it at all possible for the lab to get this wrong? I don’t know. I’m just throwing ideas out there and I’m not sure we’ll ever really have an answer.

Either way, they (“they” being the nurse I just spoke with) are now recommending IUI.

And I am crushed. I am not ready for IUI, not financially, not mentally or emotionally, not right now. I just can’t do it. I can’t.

And I can’t quit crying either because now it’s feeling like this cycle is already a bust and like we may never be able to give my daughter a sibling. I feel as if we’re already at the end of the road.

Today, I wouldn’t mind if the Mayans are right. Wouldn’t everything just be easier if the world ended next month?

CD12: U/S & SA

I have to laugh because if any Joe Schmoe from off the street was to read the title of this post, I’m sure there would be a big “Huh?” echoing through the room. But you guys know what I mean. Right?

And as my title says, it is day 12 and I had the first ultrasound of my first monitored cycle today. And it was pretty much as expected. I’m not ready to trigger. Not even close. The largest of my follicles are 8-9mm right now. So I will be going back for another u/s on Friday, but my guess is that I won’t be quite ready even then and will have to return yet another time. Ugh. I’m just really hoping this doesn’t drag out until Thanksgiving, when we will be out of town visiting the in-laws. Because then we’d have a problem. On a positive note, though, the u/s tech did say my lining is nice and thick (though she didn’t say how thick or if there is the triple-striped pattern), so that’s something to be thankful for. I guess I’m one of those lucky ones who has not suffered any Clomid side effects. Like, at all.

Also, my husband’s semen analysis results came back today. And they are:

Count: 50 million/mL

Morphology: 1

Motility: 60%

I’m no SA expert as we’ve only done this once before (and even then were never given the numbers), but I think these are good. Question mark? I’m a little concerned about the morphology because the online patient portal says that he has 1% abnormal and should have less than 4%, but isn’t the result usually given in percent of normally shaped sperm (in which case, it should be above 4)? Or am I just totally confused? There were some other things that were tested as well (pH, viscosity, forward progression, and more), but they all came back as normal. One number was slightly higher than it should be — immature forms (SABs). There should be less than 3 million/mL of those and my Honey’s results are recorded as exactly 3 million…but I don’t know what that means. Or if it’s important. Or if it’s a big deal. Having gotten up at 4:30 a.m. today, this is really just all too much for my brain to handle right now. Anyone have opinions about these results?

And now, we wait some more.