Due Date

Today, Skittle is due.

She should be here.

She’s not.

Yet.

BUT…

Within the next week, she will be. We know that now. My OB and I talked induction today and, while he would normally let a healthy pregnancy continue until 42 weeks and normally he’d suggest a woman with elevated blood pressure be induced on her due date, he is comfortable with letting me fall in the middle as long as Skittle continues to pass her NST’s and my amniotic fluid level remains adequate. So if I don’t go into labor by 41 weeks, an induction it is.

I don’t know how I feel about this. Okay, I do… I don’t want an induction. I have made it very clear that I am ever so hopeful for a natural birth. I know some people don’t understand this. I have heard many comments about why would I want to endure the pain of labor and delivery when an epidural is harmless and how an induction is “no big deal,” but I don’t feel that way. At all. Please know that I am not passing judgment on the choice you make for you and your baby. For the record, I had both an induction and epidural with Cupcake. And I don’t regret it, nor am I ashamed of it. But for me and Skittle, I want something different.

There are many reasons I’m choosing to fight for a natural birth and I won’t bore you with all the details. But most of all, I feel compelled to try for one because I am ready to fall in love with my body again. As I’m sure many of you can understand, while TTC and grieving over the loss of our Teddy Graham, I lost faith in what my body could do.  I stopped believing it could do anything right. I hated myself and I hated the shell I was trapped in. But I believe experiencing the pain of labor in its entirety will somehow heal me and empower me. I believe it will make me feel more alive than I have ever felt in my thirty years. I crave that.

The truth is, I don’t know if I can do it. I do know labor hurts. And I have even less confidence in my ability to endure it if I am induced, because Cervadil and Pitocin cause contractions that are unnaturally painful. But either way, I will try. That’s all I can do. And if I do have to be induced, I will know that it’s the right answer. That I’m doing exactly what I need to in order to protect Skittle. That there was no other choice.

And I suppose there will be some healing and empowerment in that too, knowing that finally, I can bring another child safely into this world.

P.S. Final bump photo is up on the Skittle page!

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14 thoughts on “Due Date

  1. My cousin had to be induced because her water broke but labor never started. she had pitocin and gave birth with no epidural!! If they turn my baby before labor they plan to start pitocin. i hope to go natural after that point with no epidural. we can do it! I don’t know if i will get a v delivery because he may not turn but u can and i believe u will do fine!

  2. I really hope you go into labor on your own and get the delivery experience you desire, because your body is awesome, and it’s totally capable of pushing your baby girl out sans epidural! Good luck!

  3. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you, friend! I’m thinking labor thoughts really hard in your direction! Come on, Skittle!

  4. I will hope for some labor this week. I understand how much you want things to progress naturally so I hope you get it. Come on Skittle!!!

  5. Your post inspired my latest, as it made me want to reflect on my own hopes for my labor and delivery (especially the part about wanting to restore faith in your body). I don’t think you can go wrong with whatever route you go, but I totally appreciate the motivation behind your goals. Best of luck to you!

  6. I know you can do it, even if you have to be induced. I was induced with my dd and was able to go without an epidural (though I did get a narcotic shot). I even had to deal with back labor. You can do it Mama!

  7. I hope Skittle decides to make her entrance into the world before you have to be induced, but even if you do, I have faith that your body will do what it’s supposed to do (hopefully without an epidural). Look how well it’s done getting Skittle this far!

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