Thirty(-Two)

Today, I am 32 weeks pregnant. And I am 30 years old. One year ago, I looked ahead to this day with a heavy sense of dread to think of turning thirty with no new baby in my arms.

There is still no baby in my arms.

But I am so, so close. And that is good enough.

So today, this year, I am happy. I am celebrating. There is a pile of gifts awaiting their reckoning and an ice cream cake I have big plans for. I still feel a twitch of discomfort at the thought of crossing the threshold into this new decade, but that’s only because I know my ovaries are getting older and there are still babies I want to be born. Otherwise, I have no qualms about turning the Big 3-0 because I have never had more joy in my heart, never felt more beautiful, more fulfilled, or more ready for what is to come.

So life is good right now. Even as I say good-bye to my 20s. It was nice to feel young and alive and like there was so much possibility, but I won’t miss the heartache I endured in the last ten years. And I’m not so naive to think that there won’t be more in the years ahead, but maybe I will be more prepared for it, better able to handle it, with more of a reason to go on.

Yes, life is really, really good. Whatever do I even have to wish for when I blow out the candles on my birthday cake tonight? Because you know, I can’t think of anything.

Not one, single thing.

Which is a birthday gift of its own.

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16 thoughts on “Thirty(-Two)

  1. Happy birthday and many happy happy returns! My husband turns 30 a couple days before Christmas this year. I’m really struggling to think of something to do for him so that he won’t feel forgotten with the baby having just arrived and all that. It’s easy enough for daddies to feel a little left out, but I don’t want him to feel like that especially on his 30th birthday.

  2. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! You are such and amazing person with a wonderful spirit and I cannot tell you how glad I am to know you entered your 30s happily. AND with ice cream cake. YUM! Hugs friend.

  3. Happy birthday! I came across your blog and discovered we are about the same amount into our pregnancies! I am due October 8th with a little girl. Hope your pregnancy is going well for you.

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