More bits and pieces to chat about (nearly all of which are baby-related — sorry!)…
HONEY & SKITTLE
Honey finally got to feel Skittle move, after many attempts, last Sunday (June 9) while we were at church. I wish there had been a camera there to capture his priceless smile. (Does anyone else besides me ever wish that they could have their own live-in professional photographer to document all of those brief, beautiful life moments that we so often fail to record on our own?) And maybe I shouldn’t admit to this, but I think we may have missed part of the sermon because we were so busy whispering and giggling in the back row.
A shower date has been set — though, yes, I had to eventually ask about it (in an uber-tactful way, because that’s what I excel in!) because my mom needed to purchase plane tickets and get the time off of work. The big day is July 14 and I’m feeling a little nervous about it. Not only will it be held outside during the most miserable allergy month for me, but there are also several women being invited whom I hardly know. It’s a joint shower and the guest list includes only our moms and members of our mom’s group — but still, some of those ladies I’ve only spoken with once or twice. Seriously. And in case I haven’t mentioned it here before, I’m…uh…kinda shy.
REVELATIONS ON ANXIETY
I’ve had a revelation in the last week. And that is: embrace the anxiety. While I am feeling extraordinarily happy these days, I also still get scared. A lot. It’s primarily based on how active Skittle is being at the moment. And while I used to feel guilty about bringing out the doppler, especially when I had no apparent reason to do so, I am now cutting myself some slack. I’ve been through a lot. And I’ve heard more stories about miscarriage, loss, and neonatal death than most non-infertile, non-blogging women ever have. I have a right to feel nervous, anxious, and/or worried every now and then (or every day). And while I don’t constantly use the doppler anymore, when I do use it, and even if it’s several times a day, that’s okay, you know? Whatever I need to do to get me through.
My parents came over the weekend to drop off the dresser that we will be going into Cupcake’s new room. The dresser is part of a 3-piece bedroom set that my grandfather made for my mother when she was a kid and I then used as a child and now Cupcake, as my firstborn, will get to enjoy. We’re still on track for getting Cupcake into her new room by the end of the month and pictures will be posted once it’s complete. I get emotional just thinking of that moment when we first do the Big Reveal and Cupcake gets to see all the hard work we’ve been putting in. She’s too young to appreciate the time or money we’ve spent in creating her little haven, but she will love the colors, the theme (ladybugs), the big girl bed, and all the new toys. And once this room is complete, I can officially move on to preparing the nursery for Skittle.
MY FRIEND, KAT
After a whole lot of thought, I sent a long and heartfelt e-mail to my friend Kat today. (You can read about the history of our friendship here and here.) I know I said that I wouldn’t — that it would do no one any good — but then our friend over at The Stork Diaries said this in her comments: “Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is sharing our feelings with those we were once closest to.” And then my devotional just a couple days later talked about not living a life of “unspoken words.” And so I composed an e-mail that has been sitting in my Drafts folder for nearly three weeks…and after having it read and approved by both Honey and my mom, I hit “Send” today. I don’t mind publishing it here if anyone is interested, but otherwise, I don’t want to say too much. I’m starting to feel like I’m beating a dead horse by talking about it so frequently on this blog. And for the record, I don’t expect a response to my e-mail. I will still be hurt if I don’t get one, but I’m prepared for that. I just felt like I had to say something, to express the sadness over the end of our friendship, so I could find some resolution. A sense of closure. And besides, did I really have any more to lose???
A new bump photo has been posted on the Skittle page!