Going Facebook Public

Last week, at 16 weeks pregnant, we went Facebook public. It feels good to have it finally be known to everyone, and terrifying at the same time.

It took me forever to choose the right words. I toiled away at them for weeks, right up until the day before I was ready to post them and needed my husband’s seal of approval. Besides delivering our news, I had three objectives in  making our statement:

  • I wanted to briefly mention our struggle to get here, to let it be known to everyone that this baby did not come easily and was so desperately wanted for so very long.
  • I felt compelled to reveal my miscarriage, to somehow honor our Teddy Graham because I knew this might be my last appropriate opportunity to publicly acknowledge the Baby Who Almost Was.
  • I needed to recognize those who are still struggling, so that they know they are not alone and not forgotten.

Finally, for better or worse, this is what I came up with and eventually posted as my status:

After a difficult journey that tested both my strength and my faith, [Honey] and I are over-the-moon to announce that we are expecting another bundle of joy. [Cupcake] is due to become a big sister in early October and we couldn’t be happier. We lovingly remember the baby that was lost last year, but look forward to welcoming this new little one into our family. And while we celebrate this greatest of blessings, we remain in hopeful thought and prayer for our loved ones who wish for the same. ❤

Really, it’s a mishmash of other Infertile FB posts I have read, combined with the thoughts that were resting on my heart. And maybe I said too much. Maybe I tainted our announcement by making mention of all that I did. Maybe I made my FB “friends” uncomfortable by my honesty. But there came a point sometime before hitting “post,” that I just didn’t care that much. I needed to do this for me, and for our lost baby, and for those who are still in the trenches.

In the end, I received nothing but positive remarks. No one mentioned my infertility or loss, but that’s okay. That’s not what I was really looking for. I wanted it to be on people’s radar, to know not every baby comes after a simple glass or two of wine and a passionate night in the bedroom, but I didn’t need sympathy or understanding or friends to seek me out to help them through their own journey. I will welcome that if anyone ever needs me, but really, I just wanted to stop hiding, pretending, and contributing to the shame in being part of this community. I hope, in some small way, I did that.

And up next: our gender reveal party next month! The invitations for that also went out last week and, while I am feeling a bit anxious about our anatomy scan, I also cannot wait to gather with those whom we love most to celebrate this precious little babe.

23 thoughts on “Going Facebook Public

  1. Cassie, I think your announcement is perfect, honoring everything you aimed to honor! I hope you are in a good place right now and trusting in the perfection that is weaving its-self in your uterus as we speak… can’t wait to find out if you’ll be buying pink or blue! best wishes!

  2. I love this announcement! I don’t have a FB account and K hardly ever uses his but we are going to tell family soon. I don’t know how we’re going to do it yet but I hope it’s as beautiful as yours was!

  3. That was a sweet and thoughtful announcement. You put a lot of thought and heart into it, and I think it’s so sweet to honor Teddy Graham while welcoming the baby to come.
    I never did post an announcement on FB with my first pregnancy. I have a feeling we’ll just tell friends and family at some point. I don’t FB much but my husband does, so once we’re out of the closet I’m sure it’ll turn up there.

  4. What a beautiful message. I think it’s perfect — authentic but tactful — and does everything you set out to do. It’s more comfortable for people to focus on the good news and congratulations now, but I’m sure that the rest of what you’ve said will percolate through their minds and hearts, too.

  5. It is a perfect announcement to honour your Teddy Graham. I also love the idea of a gender reveal party and look forward to hearing what sweet treat you are expecting next.

  6. I love the wording of your announcement! I’m glad that you are in a place where you felt comfortable to share your news and your experience. I am jealous of your gender reveal party 🙂 We don’t have any family here and most of our friends live elsewhere too, so I don’t think we could get much of a party going but I want to do a gender reveal cake.

  7. Lovely, thoughtful message. But why are the names Honey and Cupcake in brackets? You don’t mean to say that that isn’t what they’re really called, do you?!

    Can’t wait for your ~virtual~ gender reveal party. Do you have any feelings one way or another?

    • I may write a post about this in the future, but I’m thinking boy. This pregnancy has just been so different from when I was pregnant with Cupcake, I can’t believe it’s even possible that this could be a girl. But I’ve been wrong before! (P.S. And Cupcake is totally her name, of course! I thought I would take a page from Gwyneth Paltrow’s book and name my child after food. 🙂 )

  8. Hi…just found your blog. Briefly reading through some of your past posts, I think it was really thoughtful and also just-the-right-amount to share on Facebook. I love that it acknowledges so much, but also nods to the happiness of what you are announcing. Really nice.

    And, since I’m just joining, Congratulations!

  9. Thanks for your post on my blog the other day. It is always nice to know that support is out there. I actually have ALWAYS wondered how I would put a post on FB if we were ever lucky enough to be able to. I, too, would want some acknowledgement of our struggle and encouraging words to those other infertiles hanging in the shadows. I think you nailed it! It was so nice to read.

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