Last week, at 16 weeks pregnant, we went Facebook public. It feels good to have it finally be known to everyone, and terrifying at the same time.
It took me forever to choose the right words. I toiled away at them for weeks, right up until the day before I was ready to post them and needed my husband’s seal of approval. Besides delivering our news, I had three objectives in making our statement:
- I wanted to briefly mention our struggle to get here, to let it be known to everyone that this baby did not come easily and was so desperately wanted for so very long.
- I felt compelled to reveal my miscarriage, to somehow honor our Teddy Graham because I knew this might be my last appropriate opportunity to publicly acknowledge the Baby Who Almost Was.
- I needed to recognize those who are still struggling, so that they know they are not alone and not forgotten.
Finally, for better or worse, this is what I came up with and eventually posted as my status:
After a difficult journey that tested both my strength and my faith, [Honey] and I are over-the-moon to announce that we are expecting another bundle of joy. [Cupcake] is due to become a big sister in early October and we couldn’t be happier. We lovingly remember the baby that was lost last year, but look forward to welcoming this new little one into our family. And while we celebrate this greatest of blessings, we remain in hopeful thought and prayer for our loved ones who wish for the same. ❤
Really, it’s a mishmash of other Infertile FB posts I have read, combined with the thoughts that were resting on my heart. And maybe I said too much. Maybe I tainted our announcement by making mention of all that I did. Maybe I made my FB “friends” uncomfortable by my honesty. But there came a point sometime before hitting “post,” that I just didn’t care that much. I needed to do this for me, and for our lost baby, and for those who are still in the trenches.
In the end, I received nothing but positive remarks. No one mentioned my infertility or loss, but that’s okay. That’s not what I was really looking for. I wanted it to be on people’s radar, to know not every baby comes after a simple glass or two of wine and a passionate night in the bedroom, but I didn’t need sympathy or understanding or friends to seek me out to help them through their own journey. I will welcome that if anyone ever needs me, but really, I just wanted to stop hiding, pretending, and contributing to the shame in being part of this community. I hope, in some small way, I did that.
And up next: our gender reveal party next month! The invitations for that also went out last week and, while I am feeling a bit anxious about our anatomy scan, I also cannot wait to gather with those whom we love most to celebrate this precious little babe.