I woke up this morning feeling essentially the same as I always do. Tired. Overwhelmed by my to do list. Hopeful and happy and still a little scared. Anxious to weigh myself and once again search for Skittle’s heartbeat. Nothing has changed…and yet in some ways, everything has because, today I am 13 weeks pregnant.
I am in my second trimester.
My belly is getting bigger. I have made the transition to maternity clothes. We finally told the news to my husband’s parents yesterday, on his father’s birthday, which was very special. I have already started planning our gender reveal party and searching for a maternity and newborn photographer — those things that seem so abstract because this baby is still so small, and yet need to be done because time is ticking whether this whole dream of a pregnancy continues to feel surreal or not.
I know things can still go wrong — trust me, I know — and I remain vigilant and guarded. I often turn to Honey or my mom and ask, “Do you really think the baby is okay?,” even though I have no reason to believe s/he is not. And I mostly still think in terms of “if” and not “when” Skittle will come. But that has not stopped my hope and heart from soaring. And it has not stopped me from taking great leaps forward in preparing for the addition to our family. Six months seems like so long to go, and yet not enough time to prepare.
But somehow I know we will make it through. The days may drag, but looking back, it will all be a blur. I will say, “it went by so fast.” I know this because I’ve been here before. And because I can say exactly this about the last three months. And because I have watched my daughter grow and cannot believe how 28 months have just disappeared and, in the blink of an eye, she has morphed from a teeny tiny being to a sassy little thing that says “No like lady” about every female stranger we meet.
This time will fly indeed. That is the only thing I can be sure of right now. But I intend to embrace it and enjoy it with all that my heart allows.