Tomorrow is the day. I hope it’s just the beginning. Not the end.
This surprise pregnancy has had its benefits, I’ve come to realize. I skipped the agony of a two-week wait. I walked through the couple weeks that follow a BFP, worry-free. Somehow, I wish I could breeze through this too. Wake up one day feeling the rolls, kicks, and bumps of a life growing inside of me and instantly know Baby is fine. Wouldn’t that be nice?
It is hard for me to imagine what it might be like to see that tiny, little, itty bitty baby on the screen, with the flicker of a beautiful heartbeat. When I was pregnant with Cupcake, I was terribly naive. Since I wasn’t seeing an RE at the time, the standard was to wait until twelve weeks to hear the HB with a doppler and until twenty weeks to see one on an anatomy scan. I worried through all of those early weeks, convinced my pregnancy was ectopic due to severe back pain. I didn’t even know you could request an early ultrasound. So I have never seen a beating baby heart this early on. The only u/s I’ve ever had before the second trimester was after my baby was already dead. So it’s a wonder to me that heartbeats exist this early. That it is possible to go looking for one and actually find it. Because in my world, that has never happened.
I hope, tomorrow, all of this will change.
Please stick with me, little babe. Please keep growing.