It was this day, one year ago, that I got my first period since giving birth to my daughter and we started trying for baby #2. Guys, we have officially been trying for one year. One year. I know that nearly everyone in this community has passed that dreaded one year mark and, in the big picture, that’s not much time at all, but it feels long. And I never thought I would be at this one-year point. Again.
A year ago, when we embarked on this journey a second time, I thought things would happen faster than they did with TTC my daughter. Since we went straight to 100mg of Clomid without TTC naturally first and without experimenting with 50mg of Clomid, I thought surely I would conceive much quicker than it took with Cupcake. I was right. Two months of Clomid and I had my Teddy Graham. And then I lost him. A huge heartbreak and a huge setback in this whole process. And now here we are once again at the one-year mark, nary a baby or another BFP in sight.
This is all starting to feel a little familiar. I have been here before. Which is troubling and comforting at the same time. Troubling because it is impossible to know if the next year will bring only another 12 months of infertility, or a miracle. Troubling because, one year ago, I never thought I’d essentially be in the same place that I was at the beginning of it all. Troubling because having to go through this once was hard enough. Why a second time? But I’m comforted in knowing that, having done this all before, I am better equipped to deal with it now. I have coping mechanisms that I didn’t have in the beginning. And I know, from experience, that even after one year and several cycles of failed treatments, there is hope.
There is always hope.