Hope Schmope

I’m having trouble figuring out how I should feel about this cycle. Am I allowed to be hopeful? Do I have reason to? And I know we always have some hope, because otherwise why would we keep doing this? But I’m talking about real hope. In my last two or three cycles, that kind of hope has been nearly dead. Like, so close to death, it’s on life support. There just hasn’t been much to make me feel like any of my recent cycles were going to be any different than the cycles before them, you know?

But this time, we’re switching things up. The changes for this cycle are:

  • Increasing Clomid from 100 to 150mg
  • Adding a trigger shot
  • Using progesterone suppositories after ovulation

I’ve also decided that I need to feel like I’m doing something more than just going to doctor appointments, so I’ll be doing a few extra things to pretend that I actually have a little bit of control over all this:

  • I’ll be using Softcups after intercourse to keep my husband’s precious liquid close to where it needs to be. (These are generally a period solution, but I’ve heard they can help in TTC too. And for $10 with shipping, I decided, why not?)
  • After sex, I usually stay in bed for 10 minutes before getting up and moving around. I will be changing this to 30 minutes now. We even bought a nice wedge pillow to keep my booty elevated for that half-hour.
  • I plan to dine on some pineapple core after ovulation…if I can stomach it.

All in all, that is a total of six things that I will be doing differently this cycle. I mean, that must increase our chances, right? Even if it’s only just a little?

But how do I keep from being all, “Oh, man, this cycle is going to be the ONE!”??? Because I don’t want to have that much hope. It will only lead to heartbreak if I’m wrong. And logically, I know it very well might not be The Cycle. If Honey’s sperm morphology is really as bad as they say, making all of these changes may not do a damn thing. But it’s hard to convince my heart of that. It’s hard not to get my hopes up. I’m finding this balance between hope, expectations, and logic a tricky, tricky business.

15 thoughts on “Hope Schmope

  1. Just try and remember, you do have hope right now by the sheer fact you are still trying. But I know it is a VERY fine line to walk between hope and despair. Being proactive like you are is wonderful. I’ve never eaten pineapple core but I have heard it plumps up your lining nicely.

  2. I will hope for you.
    Also, I did the pineapple core thing with my first IVF cycle. It wasn’t that bad…if you can get past the chewy-ness. Also, at that time, I didn’t realize there were specific days that I should be eating the pineapple core. So I ate it randomly, at pretty much any time I felt like it. I recommend following the guidelines. 🙂

  3. You’re following the protocol I used for both my positives almost exactly, from the clomid, trigger and even down to the staying in bed time. So I am hopeful for you 🙂 Of course everyone is different blah blah blah, I’m still hopeful for you!

  4. I can chime in on at least one thing: let’s just say that if all goes well, we’ll be sending a birth announcement and a very big thank you note to Softcups in five and a half months. I hope these six changes bring the magic you need this month, and that no matter what, you find that balance.

  5. It always feels good to try something new. It’s hard to keep the hope up when it feels like it’s just one big, long fight. Gotta change up the strategy sometimes. I think using a trigger shot is GREAT idea – you’re guaranteed a good, strong ovulation that way.

    I’m not “changing things up” as we’re gearing up for our first medicated TTC#2 cycle now (CD1 today!) but I did just order a yoga 4 fertility DVD. I want to do more than just give myself a shot each night. And I need something to help with the nerves…

    Good luck!!!

  6. I know what you mean about not wanting to get your hopes too high. But it sounds like you’ve got a really good plan in place, and I’m hopeful for you!

  7. My husband’s morphology was 4% and our RE told us he really doesn’t care. At this point morphology criteria have apparently become so stringent that the results are becoming unhelpful. Also, studies are pointing to the idea that morphology might not be all that important (in comparison to motility and count). I really hope that he is right and this gives you more hope.

      • He is respected amongst other RE’s, works in one of the top Canadian fertility clinics, and is the highest rated in the city amongst patients so I think you can put some stock in him 😉 I know I hope I can! Not sure if you read my blog lately but it looks like it’s IVF for me.

      • Oh, crap. I’m so, so sorry. I just went and read your most recent post and I feel for you, friend. It sounds like you have a pretty positive attitude about it, but I know IVF doesn’t really feature in anyone’s plans for family building. Fingers are crossed that this big step will give you the baby you dream of…hopefully, on the first try!

      • Thanks. I appreciate it a lot. I have been devastated, but each day gets a bit easier. I also breakdown at least once a day. Sometimes I make jokes or talk about it very objectively/scientifically just to cope.

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