I lied.

Well, remember when I stated here that I didn’t really care if I conceived this cycle? And remember when I said here that I didn’t have much faith for this go-around?

Well, I lied.

I did care and I did hope

And that, my friends, is why the spotting and BFN, at 16dpo, are such a bitch.

I hate this. Absolutely effing hate it.


20 thoughts on “I lied.

  1. I’m so so sorry. I hate this for you!!! I know we try to convince ourselves that we don’t care about or hope for that BFP as much as we really do. So I’m really sorry AF is coming. Hugs sweetie!

  2. I am so sorry, Cassie. No matter how hard we try to psych ourselves out, it really doesn’t matter because we really do want it to work out so bad every time. Thinking about you. xoxo

  3. I’m so sorry. 😦 I’ve gotten to the point where I expect my period now, and haven’t taken a pregnancy test in months. I was tired of being disappointed. I took EVERYTHING as a
    “pregnancy symptom”, only to be left disappointed time and time again.
    I’m on my first cycle of Clomid, and I’m trying so hard to not have any expectations again.
    We’re all here with you and if you need to talk, feel free to stop by my blog!

  4. I am so sorry! I wish this could be easier! I just had my Iui today and am already trying to mentally prepare myself for the fact that the chances are low. It is almost impossible not to get hopes up though!! (((Hugs)))

  5. That sounds like me every month – trying to convince myself I didn’t care and still breaking down and crying when my period showed up.
    Fuck you, infertility

  6. Ugh, I am so sorry. I know what you’re talking about with the caring vs. not caring and the hoping vs. not hoping. My answer to those questions are different depending on the day – heck, they are different depending on the hour, or even the minute, of the day. *HUGS*

  7. Isn’t it amazing the little games we play with ourselves and how hope can truly spring eternal. Despite my not having either Fallopian tube, I can still make out a meek Hope whispering, “Maybe some really miraculous thing will happen and you will get pregnant this cycle. You’ll boggle modern medicine.” Oy. Ultimately, hope (no matter how small) is what keeps each of us going. Without it, who would bother doing this to herself cycle after cycle? My heart goes out to you, but don’t be afraid to hope again.

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