It’s not the “OMG! I’m still not ovulating!” sort of problem. (And please do know — I don’t actually ever say “OMG.”) But it’s more like the “Hi, I’m Cassie and I’m an addict.” sort of problem.
And my addiction is charting. As in, charting my BBT.
I religiously chart my temp every morning. At the same exact time: 5:30 a.m., even on the weekends. I wake up on my own usually about five minutes before I take my temp and lay perfectly still so as not to inadvertently alter my BBT with any movement and, in the days after ovulation, this five minutes is spent with my heart pounding out of my chest and into my ears and throat because I’m so freaking scared that my temp won’t be as high as it should be. And on Sunday, after temping, I was seriously so sure I was going to vomit because of that beating heart and frazzled nerves.
I know I’m nuts. This is not something I can control. So I should not worry about it. But I want that thermal shift so much. I want it to stay and stay and stay and never go away (at least for nine-and-a-half months). And so I obsess. I cannot help myself.
That’s the bad news.
The good news is that I do believe we can now officially declare Outcome 1 out of the running. I have had a beautiful thermal shift ever since getting my positive OPK on Saturday and I lovingly admire my chart every day. For so many months in TTC-land, I never got a thermal shift and now that I do see one, I want to kiss it. Truly. (I’m crazy, I tell you. CRAZY!)
There are a few things that are bugging me in small ways, though:
- My BBT since ovulation (four days ago) has not had a dip. This sounds like a good thing, but I had a dip in both of my pregnancies in the first four days. After my research about BBTs, I learned that this was probably an estrogen surge. I really, really doubt it was an early pregnancy sign (probably just a coincidence), but it’s the only pattern I know to be true for me so far.
- The OPKs are back to negative, but that second line is taking its sweet time in disappearing completely. I do hope this is not a sign that my hormones are all wonky.
- I’ve had a lot of extra CM the last couple days, but I think it has transformed into the sticky kind…not the “hey, you’re pregnant!” creamy kind. But I don’t know if sticky vs. creamy really matters this early on and, to be honest, I’ve never even been very good at telling the difference between the two. Mine almost always seems to be somewhere in between.
So while I’m trying to stay optimistic, I am honestly not putting a lot of stock in this cycle. It’s just not feeling like “the one.” Is that crazy, at 4dpo? Because really, how the hell do I know? I don’t. My past history has shown that, at times like these, my intuition is faulty at best. So it’s all a guessing game. Just like symptom spotting is all a game. Which is why I’m trying really hard not to play. This time, at least.
But I reserve the right to give in to the temptation at any given moment.