Well, all of my test results from last week’s blood workup are finally back and they are…
Completely, utterly, totally normal.
LH, FSH, prolactin, progesterone, TSH, testosterone, DHEAS — all of it normal. In fact, everything but my progesterone was on the low side of normal. Which is good. I think. At least there are no clear hormonal indicators that something is wrong with me. No solid indication of PCOS. Nothing saying that I can’t have another baby, or that it will be especially hard.
But then I am left to wonder, why don’t I ovulate? I mean, there must be something amiss, right?
But still, I feel pretty good about it. One thing off my list of things to be concerned about. Blood work? Check! I also had my iron levels checked because I’ve been so tired lately, but that was normal too (albeit on the low side again). Hmmm…maybe I just need to get more sleep, ya think? The only things I did not have tested were my fasting glucose and insulin levels, but I didn’t request those because they came back normal in May and I’m on Metformin anyways. Also, my estrogen (E2) level wasn’t tested because I think my doc forgot to order it, but I’ll try not to worry myself sick over it (which I failed at miserably yesterday). When I go see an RE in another two months or so, he’ll test it if necessary and then I can check that one off my list too.
So I’m done worrying about hormone levels. Done worrying about my BBT since I now think I finally know what’s causing its craziness (see my post from earlier this week for more on that). Now I’m just back to worrying if I’ll ovulate this cycle. It’s CD14 and no signs of it in sight. My cervix is high and my CM is stretchy, but still somewhere between creamy and egg-white. I don’t think I’m feeling any low abdominal aches like I always do near ovulation when on Clomid, except when I do. And the OPKs are still negative, though a light second line has shown up in the last few days. Maybe things are progressing? But maybe not. Maybe they will stagnate before we ever get there.
Now, I’m feeling so anxious about ovulating at all that, at this point, I don’t even care if I get a BFP at the end or not. I just want to have a chance. I don’t want to have to decide whether or not to ask to increase my Clomid dosage. I don’t want to have to worry about the extra side effects and detriment to the health of my lining and CM that the next dosage may cause. I just want to ovulate, and have the agony of a 2WW, and have hope, and be free from this. All of this.
But I know — oh, how I know! — that we don’t always get what we want. Or deserve.