Well, it was not a fun weekend. I spent it crampy, cranky, and crying over everything. But I allowed myself to nurse my wounds with a few indulgences which I rarely get to enjoy — soda, coffee, doughnuts, bagels, chocolate, old episodes of Dawson’s Creek, and some retail therapy — and that did help as much as it could.
Today, I met with my OB. We’ll call him Dr. Smiles since that’s always the first thing I see when he walks into the room. A smile. I had scheduled this appointment before I ever got my period so that I could renew my Clomid prescription, but the opportunity allowed me to ask a LOT of questions. Thanks to everyone for the suggestions, guidance, tips, and encouragement that enabled me to ask what I needed to.
Here’s what we discussed today:
- Clomid: We’ll be sticking with 100mg for now as it worked well last month. Dr. S reminded me that I can’t expect to get pregnant on the first ovulation every time. He doesn’t do any sort of monitoring and advised, if that is something I am attached to (I’m not), then I’d need to see an RE.
- Femara: My doc has no experience with this and thinks it’s wise to stick with Clomid for now as we know that has worked in the past. However, if Clomid fails or causes problems in the future, he’d be willing to look into this to see if it might be an option for me.
- Supplemental Progesterone: Dr. Smiles does not prescribe vaginal progesterone suppositories to be used after ovulation. If this is something I want, I’ll have to see an RE. However, once I get a positive pregnancy test, I can then request them and he will gladly write me a prescription. This is perhaps the answer I was most disappointed in, simply because I’m concerned about my rather short cycle this month and would like to have one less thing to worry about. My doc doesn’t think my short cycle is cause for concern as it’s only happened once that we know of and, in the past, my luteal phase has been long enough to allow for implantation of two pregnancies. I will, however, follow everyone’s advice by adding B and D vitamins to the mix and cross my fingers that will be enough to get me through to a BFP.
- Ovarian cyst: This was a new development over the weekend, something that caused me a fair amount of discomfort on Saturday and Sunday. I’ve had them before while using Clomid (including during the cycle that gave me my last pregnancy), so I knew what it was. It has since gotten better and the doc doesn’t see any reason to worry, unless it swells up again. It should not prevent me from getting pregnant this cycle (which I do believe, because of my last cyst and the ovulation and pregnancy that still resulted three weeks later).
- My short period: I was concerned because my period only lasted 3-4 days this cycle (normal for me is 5-7), though one day was very heavy. Dr. S thinks this isn’t a problem and is no indication of the thickness of my endometrial lining.
- More lab tests: While Dr. Smiles does not think I need a “re-do,” he agreed anyways to order my lab tests to be redone so that we can really know if I fall into the PCOS category, at least hormonally. Past tests have been completely normal but were taken on the wrong day of my cycle. I want a definitive answer for peace of mind, so that I can give it all a rest. With that being said, today I had my blood drawn to check for the following levels: LH, FSH, prolactin, testosterone, DHEAS, estrogen, iron, and TSH. Results should be in by the end of the week. He also ordered a P4 test to check my progesterone level after my next ovulation.
- When to see an RE: This really deserves a post of its own, because I already have my own opinion and plan for when this will occur if it comes to that. But Dr. Smiles’ rec is to give Clomid another three to four months as that’s working for us right now. In fact, he said he has every confidence that it will happen for us again. I know that he really cannot make such a guarantee, but it’s nice to hear that we are not the only ones with hope.
So while it was not a perfectly satisfying appointment that gave me everything I wanted (ahem, a prescription for those vaginal suppositories), it did give me a few other things — answers, new hope, reassurance, and peace of mind — and I guess that is enough for one day.
And now, having met with my doctor, I think I am ready to move on. To let go of the disappointment of a cycle that held so much promise, and to start again. I’m still feeling fairly melancholy on a day-to-day basis, but as Tami recently suggested in one of her comments, it helps to start looking forward, instead of dwelling on what could have been. I’m already on my second day of Clomid. I’m adding extra vitamin D and B vitamins to my long regimen. And I’m still praying. Hard. But also trying to release any expectations. I don’t know what this cycle will hold. I don’t know if I’ll ovulate, or if I’ll conceive if I do. But I do know that if I don’t, there is always next month. I still have plenty of options. My next chance could be right around the corner.