Well, I called it, you guys. I’m no fool.
My sister is pregnant.
She called me when we were halfway to Idaho and I cried the rest of the way here. Why oh why did she have to call me? I sent her an e-mail so that I could get a quick response from her and later reply with my own congratulatory e-mail that I had carefully planned out. Instead, she caught me off guard while I was on vacation and I had to figure out what to say on the spot.
And as a result, this was how the conversation went:
SIS: Blah blah blah. (Small talk)
ME: Blah blah blah. (Small talk right back at her, but the whole time I’m thinking, Just get on with it, will ya?)
SIS: So I was calling about that e-mail you sent me…
SIS: Well, I wanted to wait until I was further along to tell you, but I am pregnant. I’m about 8 weeks. (At which point, I wanted to ask, If you were trying to hide it from me, then why did you keep dropping the most obvious hints ever? But I didn’t.)
SIS: Thanks! We’re very excited!!
ME: Well, congrats.
SIS: Thanks so much.
(Silence. Utter silence. Did she want me to say something more? Because I really had nothing left.)
ME: So….when are you due?
SIS: Oh, like, in the middle of March, somewhere in between the 13th and 17th.
(More silence because I am thinking, Great! That is just flipping fabulous. March 14th is our wedding anniversary. AND will be the anniversary of Teddy Graham’s conception. Thank you, God, for making this even HARDER.)
SIS: I just wanted to call and tell you. I didn’t think it would be right over e-mail.
ME: Oh, well, it probably would have been easier that way, but it’s okay.
SIS. Oh. (Pause.) Well, I guess I’ll know for next time. (And I think, Next time?! You think I’ll have to go through this AGAIN???!!!)
ME: No, it’s fine. I just thought we had talked about that? But it’s okay. You did what you felt was right and that’s fine.
SIS: (sounding slightly miffed) Well, fine then.
ME: (feeling crushed by guilt and remorse) Listen, I can tell you’re upset and I don’t want that. This is a hard time for me, but I’m happy for you. I really am. I want to be there for you and help you celebrate this baby.
SIS: (sighing and sounding just as pissed) Okay. Well, drive safely.
ME: (now highly annoyed too) We will.
SIS: Talk to ya later.
And that was that. And I can’t decide if I handled it well or if I said all the wrong things. Because apparently my sister thinks it’s the latter one and I hung up feeling horribly guilty. And how fair is that?! I already feel like sh*t and now I have to feel guilty too? My Honey says it’s because I didn’t give her the response she was hoping for. But what did she really expect? If I’d had time, I could have formulated the perfect, warm, sisterly congratulations. But I need to process in order to do that. I cannot do it in the heat of the moment, when my heart is breaking all over again. I can’t.
But this isn’t about me, is it? It’s about her.
Because she’s pregnant.
And I’m not.