Well, I am officially declaring this cycle a bust. It’s CD25 and ovulation seems…unlikely. Of course, I suppose it is still possible — the OPK is still negative but slightly darker than a couple days ago and my CM is getting closer to the coveted egg-white sort — but I’m tired of waiting. And it’s too late in my cycle. Even if I was to ovulate and conceive, who is to say I wouldn’t miscarry again just because of that? I ovulated on CD22 with Teddy Graham and I spent the few days that followed in a panic because I googled “late ovulation” and read too many stories about women who had miscarried due to poor egg quality late into their cycle. (Yes, I also read the stories about the women who didn’t miscarry after ovulating late, but I found it easy to ignore those.) I don’t know if late ovulation is what caused my miscarriage, but I do know that I will never again be able to ovulate and conceive beyond CD21 with any great confidence.
And so I’m moving on, giving up on this first cycle of Clomid once and for all. It’s no big surprise that this is where I’m at, but it still stings. I had hoped for some small miracle.
But don’t we all?
So I’m back on the Progesterone Train as of this morning and will be taking a 10-day ride. Destination: Aunt Flo’s House. I’ll rendezvous with Cousin Clomid and then hopefully be on my way again.
Hopeful. I guess that’s how I’m feeling today. Hopeful because this second cycle of 100mg of Clomid is the one that has always worked for me. It took me over a year to figure that out the first time, but in the end, it gave me my daughter. It also gave me my heaven baby, but I try not to think of that too often because it has a way of killing the hope.
With that said, I’m afraid the next few weeks might be a little slow and dull in TTC-land for me. No 2WW. No BFP…or BFN. No positive OPK even. Just a tiny white pill I swallow every morning and what is there exciting to say about that? Instead, in between a few playdates with my mommy’s group, a road trip back to Idaho, and all the normal every day stuff, I will probably spend my time whining about what I’ve lost and worrying about what is it to come. It should be very exciting. So be ready, people!