Welcome if you’re popping over from ICLW! This is my first time participating. Yesterday, when I decided to join in, I found myself nibbling my nails. You could say I’m a wee bit nervous…kind of like being the new kid in school.
If I’m being completely honest (and I’m all about honesty on this blog), I’ve been feeling that way since I joined the IF blogging community a month or so ago. I’ve asked myself, will they like me? Am I cool/clever/funny enough? Is my story painful enough? (Like this is some sort of sick competition!) Will I fit in? Will they accept me into their club? Because God knows I certainly don’t fit in with the Oh-So-Fertile Club. I have no interest in having a blog that goes viral. I just want to find a group of women whom I can relate to. Because more and more, I find that most of my face-to-face friends have no idea what I’m going through. Lucky for them, lonely for me.
Anyways, if you’re new here (and I’m guessing you probably are), I’m soon to be 29 and a mom of two…if you count an early pregnancy loss as an actual child. I do. My Cupcake just turned 19 months. And my Teddy Graham has already come and gone. My little spring flowerbud that never had a chance to bloom. It’s been 9 weeks since I lost him and I still think of him and miss him every day. My Honey and I are about to start trying again. I’m terrified and elated by the possibility. I don’t have regular cycles — in fact, I barely cycle at all — so I just finished taking progesterone to induce a period and now I’m just waiting for the cramps and bloating to begin…then it’s on to Clomid. Oh, yay!
I’ve spent the last 24 hours worrying that maybe my period won’t show up at all…that the progesterone won’t do its job. I’ve used it six times before and it’s never failed me yet, but I like to have something to worry about. AND I do have a good friend (Maid of Honor in our wedding, actually) for whom it never worked and, nearly two years later, she’s still TTC. So the fear always haunts me, lurking in the dark shadows of my brain, jumping out to scare me just when I start to let my guard down.
But we will wait. We will see. The story of our lives, isn’t it?
But thanks for stopping by! Looking forward to reading a lot of blogs this week and getting to know you all! Please be kind…the new kid needs some love!