New Kid on the Block

Welcome if you’re popping over from ICLW! This is my first time participating. Yesterday, when I decided to join in, I found myself nibbling my nails. You could say I’m a wee bit nervous…kind of like being the new kid in school.

If I’m being completely honest (and I’m all about honesty on this blog), I’ve been feeling that way since I joined the IF blogging community a month or so ago. I’ve asked myself, will they like me? Am I cool/clever/funny enough? Is my story painful enough? (Like this is some sort of sick competition!) Will I fit in? Will they accept me into their club? Because God knows I certainly don’t fit in with the Oh-So-Fertile Club. I have no interest in having a blog that goes viral. I just want to find a group of women whom I can relate to. Because more and more, I find that most of my face-to-face friends have no idea what I’m going through. Lucky for them, lonely for me.

Anyways, if you’re new here (and I’m guessing you probably are),  I’m soon to be 29 and a mom of two…if you count an early pregnancy loss as an actual child. I do. My Cupcake just turned 19 months. And my Teddy Graham has already come and gone. My little spring flowerbud that never had a chance to bloom. It’s been 9 weeks since I lost him and I still think of him and miss him every day. My Honey and I are about to start trying again. I’m terrified and elated by the possibility. I don’t have regular cycles — in fact, I barely cycle at all — so I just finished taking progesterone to induce a period and now I’m just waiting for the cramps and bloating to begin…then it’s on to Clomid. Oh, yay!

I’ve spent the last 24 hours worrying that maybe my period won’t show up at all…that the progesterone won’t do its job. I’ve used it six times before and it’s never failed me yet, but I like to have something to worry about. AND I do have a good friend (Maid of Honor in our wedding, actually) for whom it never worked and, nearly two years later, she’s still TTC. So the fear always haunts me, lurking in the dark shadows of my brain, jumping out to scare me just when I start to let my guard down.

But we will wait. We will see. The story of our lives, isn’t it?

But thanks for stopping by! Looking forward to reading a lot of blogs this week and getting to know you all! Please be kind…the new kid needs some love!


9 thoughts on “New Kid on the Block

  1. I’m stopping by from ICLW. Blogging is a wonderful outlet. What is most important is that you get something out of it, the rest will follow. Fitting in is over-rated 🙂
    I am sorry about the loss of teddy grahm, may the coming weeks bring you more healing.

  2. also here from ICLW. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
    I love blogging, being able to say whatever it is I want to say.
    I’ve been lucky enough to always be able to get pregnant on my own, without any medical help. But losing our son 5 months ago has made me weary, made me unsure of it all…..
    I hope the coming weeks and months can give you some peace…..

  3. I hope you’re enjoying your first ICLW so far. I’m not participating this month, but I have in the past, and it’s a great way to meet new bloggers and learn about their stories. I have come to treasure the support this community offers, and I hope that’s your experience, too!

  4. I’m going to offer two disparate sentiments, which makes it difficult to transition between. First, welcome to the fray. This is an amazing group of women. Second, I’m so sorry for your loss. Miscarriages are heart rending. I’m glad you have sought out our. Community for support.

  5. This is a great group of women here! I’m so sorry for your losses. I hope you see the right doc so you get answers for the problem. I am now a mother of twins after 2.5 years of IF. This blogging community got me through, such a difficult period of my life. I hope you find the same outcome! 🙂

    • Twins! That’s amazing (though the thought of two babies at once is also slightly terrifying). I only wish everyone could get such a happy, double blessing after struggling so long. And so far I’m finding the blogging experience to be incredibly helpful. A friend who blogged through her recurrent miscarriages a couple years ago suggested it and it has certainly helped to ease the loneliness. Thanks for stopping by to offer support!

  6. Happy first ICLW! I am relatively new to this too…I started my blog in March…I am on a Clomid cycle now too…so I hope your period comes and you can get the ball rolling!

  7. Visiting from ICLW. Welcome to the club no one wants to be a member of : ) it is so nice to have so many people to relate to. I hope your period comes soon and that you have success with Clomid. I’m sorry for your loss.

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